DAYS 8-17 PART 3 - My Own Heart

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Disclaimer: Read at your own discretion. I will make no excuses for writing in my own voice and point of view.

Previous Entry: DAYS 8-17 Part 2 - Getting Into The Groove

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Please note that the parts officially relevant are titled: 

DAYS 8-17 Part 1 - Mission Begins 

DAYS 8-17 Part 2 - Getting Into The Groove

DAYS 8-17 Part 3 - My Own Heart

DAYS 8-17 Part 4 - Lasting Memories

Any blog entries before or after those 4 entries will not be relevant to your interests, as I will be blogging about other places and events.

DAYS 8-17 Part 3 - My Own Heart

Theme Song: Laura Story – Blessings 

The above song, together with 10,000 Reasons, were songs that reverberated through my heart and soul the whole time I was there. Very meaningful lyrics.

I suffered greatly in 2013, with stress over a big financial hit that rocked me to my core. In my disappointment and hurt, I comforted myself by saying things like…I’m better off than others who had their houses and lives destroyed by typhoons, and also that God was showing me just how much money meant to me, something I had thought wasn’t true about myself.

But deep inside, I was resentful that God didn’t protect me. Maybe I had lessons to learn, but why did they have to be this harsh and painful? I was hurt, from the One I loved the most. It was a difficult time indeed.

Through a series of circumstances, I found myself being forced to go on this trip. You may ask me in person if you see me, but suffice to say for now that every time I tried to find a reason not to go, God made a move that flattened that reason. It happened about 4 times, and I could no longer deny that my paths were being directed.

***

(Above: I went to visit the mighty Yellow River on our one free day...although it is very green in this photo. 
Below: Houses carved into the side of mounds. Not sure about the soundness of this sorta architecture, but it is definitely quite interesting!)

I hit the wall (figuratively) sometime midway through the mission.

I found myself getting really fatigued...fighting to keep my eyes open, especially in class when the teacher was teaching the older children the name of fruits. Physically it was okay, but mentally and emotionally, I was drained. I needed more downtime but I could not find enough of it, and I seemed to do no more than go to the Orphanage, eat my meals and sleep.

Before going, I had actually planned to study a few hours every night. What a fool I was! Needless to say, that was a huge fail.

I think when you hit the wall, you just have to sacrifice some social activity, pop in vitamins and sleep as much as you can. I did that, and thankfully overcame it within a couple of days.

Back to the kids...

One of the boys that touched me deeply was Prince.

When I first met Prince, I didn’t pay him too much attention. That was because the other boys were grabbing on to me and asking me a gazillion questions…or should I say one type of question a gazillion times (Question is: Are you coming back later? Are you coming back tomorrow? Are you coming back the day after?)…and I didn’t have time to get to know those who didn’t have the ability to grab me and talk.

Prince was on a wheelchair, and he couldn’t move his arms or legs due to cerebral palsy. He also couldn’t talk and would on occasion drool cause he is not in full control of his facial muscles. So basically, he needed full care, and some of the other boys like Shadow would help feed him sometimes.

One day when Cocky was in the Older Boys’ room and trying to talk to me, I told her in mandarin that I couldn’t understand what she was saying. Cocky put her hands on her hip, sighed and then began repeating what she said in a SUPER LOUD voice.

Which of course, helped in no way since I wasn’t deaf.

With some annoyance at being shouted at, I shouted back at her,” COULD YOU STOP TALKING TO ME SO LOUDLY!”

Cocky sighed, and at the same time I saw Prince break out into a huge smile from the side of the room some distance away. He had been observing our interaction unbeknownst to me.

And it got me thinking…this boy is quiet but he listens and he knows what I’m saying.

I know it sounds a bit condescending, but seriously, if you get any of the boys to voluntarily listen to what you’re saying, you’re awesome. Why do you think I have to answer ‘Are you coming back tomorrow?’ a hundred times a day FROM THE SAME KIDS.

I went back to the office later and found out that Prince was actually 17 years old (I had thought he was 13), and from talking to the others came to realize that he was actually a real intelligent boy trapped in a body that doesn’t work.

That actually made me really sad for a long time that day. I resolved to spend a bit more time with him since I had not done so prior.

The next day when we were playing the parachute game (we have an air ball on a parachute like piece of cloth, and we toss it up and down on the cloth, trying to control it. It’s quite fun), I took a break and sat down beside Prince. He had a frown on his face, as he was trying to solve some math problems put a small whiteboard on a tray in front of him.

I watched as he slowly wrote out a beautiful looking 9 on the whiteboard. Which was the correct answer.

After he finished his set of questions, I took the pen from his hand, marked them correct, and then gave him a couple more. He got them correct too.

I was really impressed cos his math level was way better than the other boys. Not only that, he writes beautifully, even though it’s very slow.

As time was running out for me to be there for the day, I told him that when I come back tomorrow, I’d tell him some stories as a reward.

I spent the night thinking of some stories to tell him, and the next day when they let the kids out to the playground to get some fresh air, I sat down next to him and began to tell him stories about one of my mission teammates who could project his farts and how he once used that skill to frame his classmates in school, and how they got punished when a teacher was very offended by the smell and nobody near confessed to it.

Prince had a great time with that story, laughing silently. Then I told him the story of my grandmother’s supernatural encounter, and he looked amazed.

I began to notice how his face communicated. The other teachers told me how if he wanted something, he would nod and blink once. Then if he didn’t want something, he would have this frown, and push his chin down.

Anyway, I pushed his wheelchair around later and then nicknamed him Prince that day. After all, he got me to push him didn’t he? LOL.

***

Midway through the mission, I began to see more and more clearly why I had been forced to come.

Even though I was suppressing it, God could see clearly the resentment in me.

And the more time I spent there, the more I understood how ungrateful I had been to Him.

Even though I had a lost a lot of money previously, I was in no way lacking in anything. I still have food, clothes, housing, skills, talents, a working body, a working mind etc…and money can always be made again.

God even gave me His own Son Jesus, an immense and unparalleled gift of love that I confess I’ve taken for granted at times.

When I had time alone, I wept and apologized to God. I could finally see just how dark and ungrateful my heart was/is. See it so clearly that it hurts even now when I'm writing this.

These kids…they were teaching me so much more than I could teach them. 

***

What I wrote above represents one of the most important lessons I have ever learned in my life. I don't really want the following photos to distract from it, but I also do understand that I have only allocated 4 blog entries to complete this trip report, so I will have to add them in.

So for further culinary interests, here are some more of the food we ate for dinner on various nights.

(Above: Mini Burgers...yummy and I had 2-3. 
Below: That's pork and I don't even know what to call the dish except it's really good!)

(Above: Lest you were not convinced it was chicken meat. 
Below: This green pastry was one of my favorites.) 

(Above: Lamb meat in a crunchy bun. Love it! 
Below: One of my favorite dishes. Veggies fried with eggs)

When you are in rural China where foreigners don't go, you are a celebrity just for not looking Asian. Since I did not quite have this celebrity status, below are some of my teammates posing with locals who asked to have photos with them.

(Above: At the Supermarket. 
Below: At a fast food restaurant...okay, that fried chicken burger one.)

(Below: The older gentleman was the one who asked for this photo) 

Finally, here are some other locals I snapped pics of...

(Above: Not exactly a local, but this cut out full sized image of Jeremy Lin seems to have found a permanent home in the KFC.
Below: I caught these 3 ladies sneaking photos of my white friends, so I took a photo of them back.)

(Below: The trendy bus drivers. Check out their uniforms... :-D)

Next: DAYS 8-17 PART 4 - Lasting Memories